Idiot's guide to valet parking...

If you want to valet park using the "dumb and uninformed method," it's easy! And almost everybody does it. Here's how:

  1. If your car is a manual, trust that every valet is a manual transmission super pro.

  2. Leave your valuables in the car.

  3. If a window is broken or the parking brake doesn't work, don't tell the valet.

  4. When you are given a valet claim ticket, leave it in the car or drop it on the ground so that somebody else can claim your car.

  5. Turn the car off and take the key with you, so that your car blocks their driveway, OR give the valet every key you have — all of the keys to your life, and trust that they will not lose those keys.

  6. Trust that they will be flawless in driving it.

  7. Trust that they will steal nothing.

  8. Tip them in nickles, dimes, quarters and pennies in an amount not to exceed a dollar, and return to park your car soon afterwards. OR, consider the privilege to drive your car to be the tip, and tell them this.

  9. And don't bother checking your car for new damage when the car is returned to you, because of course a valet would never conceal anything like that, right?

  10. And if your car was damaged, believe them when they say they are not responsible because it says so in the liability waiver (which is in 5 point type on the back of the claim ticket that you never read).

Most valet customers use a variation of the "dumb and uninformed method" to valet parking. It's quite common.

If you want to know how to be smart about valet parking, if you want to know the most savvy ways to defend your car against sloppy valet work, if you want to valet park like a boss, then I recommend you read my latest thoughts on how to do this. CLICK HERE.